Jokes about communism

A socialist, a capitalist and a communist agreed to meet. The socialist was late. "Excuse me for being late, I was standing in a queue for sausages."
"And what is a queue?" the capitalist asked.
"And what is a sausage?" the communist asked.

One man to another: "Because of communism I will have a plane!"
"What do you need a plane for?"
"Well what if suddenly, say, flour is being given out in Kalug. Fly for half an hour--and I'm there!"

On Armenian radio there came a question from abroad: "Is it true that in the USSR the pay does not correspond to the work?"
"Incorrect. It corresponds quite well. They pretend to pay and we pretend to work."

Is it possible to live on your salary?
Don't know, didn't try.

What's the difference between socialism and capitalism?
Under capitalism one person exploits another person, and under socialism - the opposite.

When did the first Soviet elections take place?
When God put Eve before Adam and said: "Choose yourself a wife!"

The seven miracles of the Soviet Authority:

1. There is no unemployment, yet nobody works.
2. Nobody works, yet the Grand Scheme is carried out.
3. The Grand Scheme is carried out, yet there is nothing to buy.
4. There is nothing to buy, yet there are lineups everywhere.
5. There are lineups everywhere, yet everyone has everything.
6. Everyone has everything yet everyone is dissatisfied.
7. Everyone is dissatisfied, yet everyone votes 'Yes'.

Why did the Supreme Soviet decided to invade Afghanistan?
They decided to begin alphabetically.

What is Russian business?
Stealing a box of vodka and selling it so as to have money to spend on drink.

Originally posted: http://www.geocities.com/troys_tales/jokes.html?20...

Thanks to Veronica Khokhlova for link.